


Coming Around

by Ysabetwordsmith



Series: Love Is For Children [7]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: #coulsonlives, Angst, Body Dysphoria, Brian Banner's A+ Parenting, Current Environment Is Safe, Decompensation, Dysfunctional Family, Dysfunctional Relationships, Emotional Baggage, Families of Choice, Family, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Intimacy, Multiplicity/Plurality, No Sex, Past Abuse, Personal Growth, Safe Haven, Team Dynamics, Team as Family, Teamwork, Touch-Starved, Touching, Trust, Trust Issues, Unconventional Families, all the feels, flangst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-30
Updated: 2013-06-12
Packaged: 2017-12-13 10:16:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 7,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/823140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ysabetwordsmith/pseuds/Ysabetwordsmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil shows Bruce the cute pictures of the team helping Hulk clean up after the bilgesnipe fight. Bruce finds the whole idea more confusing than pleasing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Soft and Vulnerable

**Author's Note:**

> If you've been reading this series for the ageplay, well, that was the previous story. This one takes a deeper psychological approach, exploring how Bruce responds to the actions of Hulk and the team in "[Splash](http://archiveofourown.org/works/812956)."
> 
> A note on feedback: While it's not necessary to comment on every post I make, remember that I don't know who reads/likes things if nobody says anything. Particularly on long stories, I've discovered that I get antsy if there's nothing but crickets chirping for several posts. So it helps to give me feedback at least once, even if it's just "I like this" or "This one doesn't grab me."

Phil sat beside Bruce's bed, watching him sleep. Bruce always seemed so small when he transformed back into his everyday self, after the boisterous mass of the Hulk. Seeing him in this soft and vulnerable state brought out the protective side of Phil. He made sure that Bruce was never alone once he passed out after a battle. If Phil couldn't keep watch himself, then he posted Steve or another Avenger instead.

Phil kept a close eye on the small screen of his Starkphone. JARVIS tracked Bruce's vital signs while he slept. The silent display informed Phil of any problems, and let him estimate when Bruce came close to waking. The numbers shifted, quickening by increments.

Bruce stirred in the soft nest of blankets. One bare arm crept out. Phil caught his hand, rubbing a thumb over the scatter of small scars. Some of them clearly came from lab accidents: short dashes left by glass chips, craters from caustic splashes. The longer lines across the palm looked different, though, earlier and more faded. One of them bisected the life line. A puckered mark halfway up the forearm suggested a compound fracture.

_Defensive wounds,_ Phil thought, analyzing the pattern automatically. He had read what existed of Bruce's records, but that only covered things that someone had noticed and reported at the time. The brutal murder of Bruce's mother was a matter of record. What had lain hidden, however, left no mark except for the ones under Phil's fingertips. Phil inferred far more about Bruce's past than mere paperwork contained, a dark story hinted in hunched shoulders and downcast eyes, diffident speech and dogged determination to be _of use_. Phil traced the old, silvery scars with a delicate touch.

Bruce woke, then, and pushed himself up on his elbows. "Why do I remember everyone standing around the Other Guy with _towels?"_ he asked with a quizzical frown.

Phil's eyebrows went up. _"That's_ what you remember from the battle?" he asked. It was certainly a better opening than Bruce's usual _Did I hurt anyone?_ "We fought some bilgesnipe. Hulk needed a bath, so we gave him one."

"I think ... they sprayed something, smelled like mercaptans? I've got that in my head, but no clear memory of fighting. Most of it's just a blur," Bruce said. He sat up and rubbed his head.

"Headache?" Phil asked.

"Oddly enough, no," said Bruce. "Most of the time I wake up feeling like crap, after an incident. This time, I'm just kind of tired and I feel like my head's stuffed with cotton. Hard to think, but it doesn't hurt as much."

"So that's an improvement," Phil observed. "Good. I believe Hulk was trying to be gentle with you. He'll be pleased to know that it worked." _Thanks, big guy, we owe you one,_ Phil thought.

"Hulk isn't gentle," Bruce said instantly. He noticed that Phil was still holding his hand, and tugged it loose. Phil let him go.


	2. He Asked You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil shows Bruce the photos of Hulk being gentle with their teammates. Bruce protests that Hulk is not to be trusted.

"I have photographic evidence to the contrary, Bruce. You may not have seen the gentle side of Hulk, but the rest of us have," Phil said. "He asked us to share some things with you, since he has trouble doing so himself." Hulk's request made Phil suspect that his emotional intelligence ranked a lot higher than most people gave him credit for, and Bruce's negative descriptions only made matters worse. "Tony and I promised to take care of this for the two of you."

"He _asked you?"_ Bruce said. He gave Phil a dubious look. Something about this clearly bothered him, but Phil couldn't tell what.

"Quite nicely," Phil said. "First we fought the bilgesnipe -- team cooperation is still rising, by the way -- and then Tony rigged a fire hydrant so we could all clean up. Hulk enjoyed his bath tremendously. You may get more of that in the future because we've promised to wash him after any messy fight. These are pictures from Hulk's bathtime." Phil handed Bruce a Starkpad with the images that Tony had carefully loaded onto it.

"Is this ... _bubble bath?"_ Bruce asked, much as Clint had done earlier.

"Lemon-scented liquid soap with strong foaming action and something to break down the noxious oil from the bilgesnipe," Phil said. "I believe Tony attached the chemical formula for your perusal."

"Yeah, there it is," Bruce said, his fingers flicking through the familiar commands. Then he went back to the pictures.

"Why is Natasha riding an inner tube shaped like a duck? That image is just making my brain go _TILT_ and shut down the whole system."

"Natka, actually. Hulk's personality and his tendency to call me 'Uncle Phil' put everyone in a game night kind of mood," Phil said.

"In _public?_ Is that safe?" Bruce asked.

"Interesting that you should say that -- Hulk asked me the same thing. I made sure we had a perimeter and a surveillance blackout, so yes, perfectly safe," Phil said.

"Huh," Bruce said, bemused.

"Anyway, Natka and Clint got into a water fight. Hulk put her on the rubber ducky and skated her out of reach," Phil said. "He has a remarkably delicate touch at times."

"Sure he does," Bruce said darkly. "The Other Guy handles delicacy the way I handle power: _badly."_ Bruce seemed resentful -- almost _jealous_ \-- of the suggestion that Hulk might have the potential for any kind of tenderness or discernment. "Don't mix us up. Don't confuse him with me. We are _nothing alike,_ and the sooner you get that through your head, the safer we'll all be."

"It's not confusion, it's observation," Phil said mildly. Bruce wasn't even reading himself accurately, let alone Hulk. One didn't become an expert in gamma radiation without a fine grasp of power. "I see some of the same admirable traits in both of you. You've earned the trust of several very cautious people -- that's not something to take lightly."

"You can't trust him, Phil. _I_ can't trust him," Bruce insisted, growing more agitated. He shifted restlessly in bed. He resisted any suggestion of common ground between himself and Hulk. "I never know when I'm going to wake up and have to clean up some mess he's made, or run for my life because of what he's done."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Emotional intelligence](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_intelligence) concerns the fluency with which a person perceives, uses, understands, and manages emotions.  There are [ways of developing](http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eq5_raising_emotional_intelligence.htm) emotional intelligence.  In the [theory of multiple intelligences](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theory_of_multiple_intelligences), there are commonly [nine types](http://skyview.vansd.org/lschmidt/Projects/The%20Nine%20Types%20of%20Intelligence.htm) listed.  Emotional intelligence is a related concept but not part of the exact same set; it overlaps interpersonal and intrapersonal intelligences.
> 
> When [one person badmouths another](http://magicalpresent.blogspot.com/2013/04/badmouthing-destructive-criticisms.html) within a group, it tends to [undermine the teamwork](http://www.w2wlink.com/Articles/Dangers-Workplace-Gossip-artid368.aspx).  The Avengers are just starting to realize how skewed Bruce's perception of Hulk can be.  It's not without basis, but it's getting less and less accurate over time.
> 
> Bruce has a somewhat different idea of secrecy and privacy than Hulk, even though he quickly asks a similar question. Bruce is thinking more about [family secrets](http://www.pittsburghparent.com/Pittsburgh-Parent/Web-2011/FAMILY-SECRETS-The-ties-that-bind-ndash-or-devastate/) and [family privacy](http://soc.sagepub.com/content/29/4/687.abstract) in terms of potential risks, rather than group cohesion.
> 
> [Earning trust](http://locolife.hubpages.com/hub/achieving-and-developing-trust) is a vital part of relationships.  The bond between Bruce and Hulk is a major weakness in the team, because the two of them don't trust each other.


	3. We Do Trust Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil explains why the Avengers consider Hulk trustworthy. Bruce describes why he really doesn't.

"But we do trust him, Bruce," said Phil. He made soothing gestures and Bruce settled down a little. "We have to. We can't go into combat with someone unreliable. We _can_ count on you and Hulk. Tony may have spotted it first, but the rest of us have caught on now. Even Natka is learning to trust Hulk. She let him _pick her up_. Do you know how many people she's injured for doing that? Steve let Hulk lift him too. I'm afraid you're outvoted on the matter of Hulk being trustworthy."

"Phil, he's a _monster,"_ Bruce said with a tired sigh. "He's like ... like Grendel, or Mr. Hyde. This dark, violent _thing_ that bursts out of me and destroys my life at unpredictable intervals. It's a curse. Something of a family curse, even."

There was a shadowy, hidden quality to Hulk and a piercing brightness to Bruce; yet in some ways they were so similar. Sometimes Phil felt that he could trace the dividing line between Bruce and Hulk, sharp as a crack in what had been a single mirror. Other times they blurred together, two colors of paint smeared into murky swirls. It was probably even more confusing for them. Phil struggled to find words that might help clarify the matter.

"Hulk's first conscious awareness after the lab accident was someone trying to kill him. That had to make quite an impression," Phil pointed out. "Consider that you, and Hulk, have a wider base of experience now. That gives him an opportunity to learn new things such as trust, friendship, and teamwork."

"He doesn't even _understand_ trust. The Other Guy doesn't trust anyone," Bruce said.

"He trusts me, and I can prove it," Phil said. He reached over and paged to the picture of himself washing Hulk's hair. "He let me do that. Sat perfectly still while I handled him, from behind, with soap that he knew would sting if it got into his eyes because Tony told us. Hulk let Steve wash his face, too."

"This doesn't make any sense," Bruce said. "He's never trusted anyone before. He lacks the capacity. Tony said it best -- I lose control and turn into an _enormous green rage monster."_

"I think Betty would argue that point," Phil said, "but even if not for that previous example, clearly Hulk trusts us now."

"Why would you even want to _do this_ for him?" Bruce said, bewildered. "He could have hurt people. He's done it before, he'll do it again. That's what happens."

"We did it because he needed it, and because we knew he wouldn't hurt us," Phil said. "We take care of our friends, Bruce. This is important."

"He's not a friend. I get that you want him to be; so did I, at first. He's not a person you can reason with. I ... I even tried a few times, early on, and it always ended in disaster. It's _dangerous_ to think of him that way. So I learned not to do that." Bruce said. "He doesn't understand rules or boundaries. He might seem like a person, a little, but he's really just a monster." Then in a much lower tone he finished, _"I'm a monster."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hulk actually has an advantage over some other folks in earning Natka's trust: he understands dissociation, has his own experiences with abuse to go along with hers, and is fully fluent relating to her child-self.  For most people trying to [relate to an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse](http://www.firelily.com/support/recovery/what.about.me.html), those points are more challenging.
> 
> [Grendel](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grendel) is one of the key antagonists in _Beowulf,_   a monster disturbed by the rowdy revels of his neighbors.
> 
> [Mr. Hyde](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strange_Case_of_Dr_Jekyll_and_Mr_Hyde) is the dark persona of Dr. Jekyll.
> 
> [Trust](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trust_\(social_sciences\)) is a complex concept [with multiple aspects](http://www.nber.org/papers/w13387).  Hulk actually understands it better than Bruce does.
> 
> Taking care of each other is a widespread concept of [friendship](http://psychcentral.com/lib/2012/the-care-and-maintenance-of-friendship/) and [family](http://foreverfamilies.byu.edu/Article.aspx?a=4).  There are [tips for being a good friend](http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Great-Best-Friend).  In the military it's framed as ["wingman" or "battle buddy."](http://www.maxwell.af.mil/news/story.asp?id=123303537)
> 
> [Boundaries](http://serenityonlinetherapy.com/healthyboundaries.htm) determine whether a relationship is healthy or unhealthy.  People need the ability to recognize boundaries and manage them sensibly in order to keep themselves safe and engage with other people.  There are tips for [establishing healthy boundaries](http://www.positivelypositive.com/2012/06/29/how-to-create-healthy-boundaries/).


	4. You Have Us to Help Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil explains why Bruce and Hulk are not monsters. Bruce insists that the counter-example has to be an outlier.

"I don't believe that about either of you," Phil said. He picked up Bruce's hand, cradling the delicate fingers in his own. "Both you and Hulk have clearly improved since you joined the team. You can do things that you couldn't have done before. You have us to help now."

Phil felt disturbed at the intensity of self-hatred bubbling up out of Bruce, especially after the unexpected sweetness of the recent interaction with Hulk. Then again, sometimes problems only emerged when a person felt secure enough, consciously or subconsciously, to start working through them. In that case this could actually be a good sign. If Bruce felt safe expressing these feelings himself, that reduced the chance of Hulk bursting out at inopportune times to deal with whatever Bruce couldn't handle.

"Still a monster, though," Bruce said, pulling his hand away. Phil winced inwardly. This process of revelation, however useful, was unpleasant for everyone.

"In my line of work, I've encountered a great many monsters, human and otherwise. _Neither_ of you qualify," Phil said. "You've made mistakes, yes, and you've hurt some people -- some by accident, most in self-defense or defense of others. You don't do it for fun. You don't do it for personal gain. You don't try to take over the world, or destroy it, or perpetrate some other insane nonsense."

Bruce gave a ragged laugh. "I don't even know what to do with myself, what would I do with everyone _else?"_

"Mostly what I see you doing with other people is taking care of them, which is why I don't think you're going to pry Clint away from Hulk. You've taken good care of Clint. Hulk has defended him in battle, and caught him falling off of buildings. Clint is determined to return the favor," Phil said.

Bruce gave him a perplexed look. "That, um, that's not what people do."

 _Has nobody ever_ done _that for Bruce before?_ Phil wondered. _Has everyone in his life simply taken what they wanted from him and walked away?_ Phil frowned, trying to recall details from Bruce's file. He knew it was bad, but it may have been more _consistent_ than he realized.

"Clint is new to this kind of teamwork too, so it would help if you could accept his overtures," Phil said. "You may feel awkward about this, but Hulk made it pretty clear that Clint's attention is welcome."

"I just ... can't fit this into my accrued data pattern. It has to be an outlier," Bruce said. He made a flittering, dismissive motion with one hand. "It _has to."_

"Well, you should continue your observations. I believe data cropping is a sin in the practice of science. You wouldn't want to let Tony catch you doing that. Tony was very pleased that Hulk let him dry his hair, so he's pretty attached to the new improved data set," Phil said. He fondly remembered Tony's ruthless characterization of Justin Hammer as a _scrofulous, mealy-mouthed, red-handed, data-cropping hackweasel_. "I know this is hard for you, but it's worth the effort."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Emotional safety](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_safety) is an aspect of close relationships which enables people to be vulnerable without being harmed. It is a prerequisite for deeper levels of intimacy, and it can provide a secure basis for dealing with major issues.
> 
> [Self-hatred](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-hatred) spans a variety of feelings and actions that deny one's own worth and right to such basic needs as safety and the pursuit of happiness.
> 
> Bruce and Phil seem to have different ideas of what makes a monster.  Phil focuses exclusively on harmful behaviors, while Bruce includes those and also seems to add elements of ostracism and deformity in characterizing both himself and Hulk as [monsters](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monster).  Bruce's framework comes pretty close to this [monster movie definition](http://exhibitions.nypl.org/biblion/outsiders/outsiders/essay/essaywolfson).  Phil, however, has seen many variations of [Humans Are the Real Monsters](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HumansAreTheRealMonsters), knows how to [contrast human vs. inhuman monsters](http://animationdynamics.com/2010/11/15/what-makes-a-monster/), and favors sophisticated interpretations like those in [Frankenstein's creature](http://exhibitions.nypl.org/biblion/outsiders/outsiders/essay/essaywolfson).
> 
> [Taking care of each other](http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/10-ways-to-show-you-care-for-your-family/) is a foundation of friendship and family.  Unfortunately this is a new experience for some of the Avengers so they aren't all fully comfortable with it yet, and sometimes they find it confusing.  Also, being superheroes is a dangerous profession, often going from one crisis to another.  There are tips for [families coping with an emergency](http://www.sesamestreet.org/cms_services/services?action=download&uid=88b10d16-be94-4962-bd02-f3fcefbab5c4).
> 
> An [outlier](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Outlier) is an observation that differs widely from the majority of data.  Sometimes it's a measurement error, which can fairly be discarded.  Other times, however, they indicate mixed distributions.  The latter applies here, as Bruce is conflating two very different sets of data: Hulk smashes things (combat situations) and Hulk is gentle (family situations). Pretty much all the Avengers but Bruce have figured out those two subsets of Hulk's behavior.  Bruce is still clinging desperately to the idea that Hulk's perceived gentleness is a measuring error.
> 
> Dreamwidth user Gingicat cleverly pointed out that Bruce shows strong signs of [imposter syndrome](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome).  I wasn't highlighting that on purpose, but now that I think about it, that's all over the canon, so I likely just incorporated it without noticing.  It's an inability to recognize one's own competence and credentials.  There are [ways to fight it](http://geekfeminism.wikia.com/wiki/Impostor_syndrome).


	5. Perhaps Even Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil and Bruce argue over Hulk's relationship with Clint.

"I'll try," Bruce said. He flicked through the pictures again. "Any idea why Clint wrapped himself around Hulk's leg like a sock?"

"Remember our previous discussions of Clint's skin-hunger?" Phil said.

Bruce nodded. "Clint needs more opportunities for healthy touch. He doesn't get enough, which makes him restless and twitchy. We're working on that together. It helps him calm down and relax with people. He's getting better."

"Evidently Clint feels that the same applies to Hulk. Clint became quite distressed when he realized that nobody was touching Hulk outside combat. He intends to make up for that now that he knows," Phil said. He remembered how wired Clint was when the team first formed, almost unable to sleep; the improvement was considerable. Phil hoped that Hulk would gain similar benefits.

"Hulk doesn't like people touching him," Bruce said. "He doesn't even like _people."_

"Yet the very next thing that Hulk did after Clint hugged his leg was to wrap a hand around his back and ask Clint if he was okay," Phil said. "Hulk _does_ care about us. He may not speak much, but his actions say a great deal. I believe he considers the Avengers as friends, or perhaps even family."

Bruce buried his hands in his hair and tugged, trying to ground himself. "Hulk doesn't _comfort_ people. He _threatens_ people. He's always avoided contact in the past."

That last was troubling, and at least partly true. Phil wondered if it stemmed from a physical hypersensitivity or an emotional response to pervasive hostility. _Maybe both,_ Phil thought, _and that could go a long way toward explaining what makes Hulk overreact in some situations. If he feels things at heightened intensity, with skewed intent, no wonder it's so easy to set him off and so hard for him to calm back down_.

"That probably contributed to the difficulties you've both experienced," Phil said aloud. "Humans, like other primates, need a certain amount of positive touch or they tend to become violent and irrational. I'm sure you've seen the studies." Phil had; they were profoundly disturbing. Cloth mother and wire mother. Failure to thrive in orphanages. Solitary confinement, not merely a prison sentence but also a form of torture. Phil suppressed a shudder.

"Hulk isn't human, Phil," said Bruce with a roll of his eyes. "Anyone can see that. He is enormous, deformed, and _green."_

"He's still a primate," Phil said. "You can't argue that one."

"Fine, he's a primate," Bruce said grudgingly. He twisted his hair in his hands. "I still can't trust him with people I care about -- I can't trust him with _anyone_. It's just not safe. You have to talk Clint out of risking himself like that. I can't stand the thought of him getting hurt."

"If you want to shoo him away, you'll have to do that yourself. Bear in mind that Clint doesn't trust people easily, and you could hurt him worse by pushing him away," Phil said. He gently peeled the clenched fingers out of Bruce's unruly curls and brushed away the loose strands of brown and silver. "You might ask Clint whether he felt comforted or threatened by Hulk's actions," Phil said. "I don't think you're going to convince Clint to quit hugging Hulk, now that he knows Hulk enjoys it -- and _needs_ it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Skin-hunger](http://www.extendicarecanada.com/uploads/public/53/docs/skin%20hunger_Jul%2006.pdf) is one name for the common desire for healthy touch. It can also refer to [touch-starvation](http://intentblog.com/are-you-touch-starved/), what happens [when people don't get touched gently](http://alumni.imsa.edu/~kraut/skinhunger.html). The vocabulary isn't precise yet because this topic doesn't get nearly as much attention as it needs.  Read [my post about skin-hunger](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9249804.html).
> 
> [Touch aversion](http://www.essortment.com/emotional-health-people-avoid-touch-affection-36011.html) can have physical or psychological causes, when someone finds contact or affection to be unpleasant and therefore tries to avoid it. [Tactile defensiveness](http://www.healthcaresouth.com/pages/tactile.htm) is a related term.  Read my post about [touch aversion](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9250982.html).
> 
> It has been well established that primates need touch. The [cloth mother/wire mother studies](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Harlow#Monkey_studies) involved young monkeys and their choice of cuddling over food. [Human children in orphanages](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/maia-szalavitz/how-orphanages-kill-babie_b_549608.html) often fail to thrive. Solitary confinement causes [observable harm to multiple species](http://solitarywatch.com/solitary-voices/caged-beasts-the-insanity-of-solitary-confinement/). It has been used for [control in prisons](http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2009/04/solitaryconfinement/), but also as [deliberate torture](http://law.wustl.edu/journal/22/p325grassian.pdf). Lack of loving touch also [correlates closely with abuse](http://www.touchangels.com/articles/critical.html).
> 
> [Hair-pulling](http://www.trichotillomania.co.uk/about_trichotillomania/why.htm) can be a form of self-abuse.  It tends to be less conscious and more habitual than other versions such as cutting, and the literature focuses on people who pull out enough hair to be noticeable.  What Bruce does is subtly different, tugging on handfuls of hair to focus or change thought and to calm down, rather than pulling out individual strands.  He's still losing a few, but it's incidental.  [Hair-pulling scalp massage](http://www.trichotillomania.co.uk/about_trichotillomania/why.htm) can release dopamine and endorphins, calm the fight-or-flight reflex, and relax muscles.  So Bruce has found something that works, he just hasn't gotten around to a caring version of it yet, because he tends to be rough with himself.


	6. I Can't Deal With This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce freaks out over the idea of Hulk being anything other than a monster.

"You have no idea how much that worries me," Bruce said, his forehead wrinkling. "All of this just ... makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I don't know what to think, what to feel, what to do. _Anything_. I can't deal with this, Phil. I _really can't."_ His breath quickened; Phil could hear it without even glancing at the monitor program on his phone.

_Kernel error,_ Phil thought. _This is not good. We need to untangle this before Bruce gets so stuck that he really starts to panic_. He'd seen this kind of problem before in survivors of abuse or torture. They depended on predicting patterns to avoid hazards, so unexpected events could make them anxious.

"All right, slow down," Phil said. He caught Bruce's hands, exerting gentle pressure as a stabilizing influence. "Take some deep breaths. You're safe here. Nothing is going on that we can't handle. Okay?"

Bruce gave him a weary nod. "... think so," he said, once his breathing slowed. He tugged against Phil's grip, and Phil let go of him.

"Work it through," Phil urged him. "Try looking at the situation from a different angle. What makes this so hard for you?"

"I look at this picture of Clint and Hulk, and the whole scene is like ... gibberish," Bruce said. He waved his hands vaguely in the air. "It makes no sense to me. It doesn't correlate with the rest of my knowledge. It's an aberration hanging in thin air. Disturbing, risky, _wrong_ ...."

"All right, here's another example," Phil said, refusing to rise to the bait. It bothered him that Bruce tended to bottle up his feelings, and then had no idea what to do with them even when he uncorked the bottle. Fighting over it wouldn't help. Phil shifted the display to a different picture. "Look at how close Steve was standing while he cleaned Hulk's fingernails. Hulk could have swatted him clear across the street, or smashed him flat. He didn't. He was careful."

"The Other Guy isn't careful, Phil. He can't be careful, because he doesn't _care,"_ Bruce said. "If you had any idea how much he's hurt me -- how often I've begged and _pleaded_ with him to stay inside, not come out and destroy everything in sight--" His voice hitched to a stop, stifled along with the sob threatening to break out.

"So tell me. I'm listening," Phil said. It was no use.

Bruce took a ragged breath, then another slower and deeper. Instead of reaching for a more rational perspective on solving the problem, he pushed his emotions away altogether. Bruce sounded eerily calm when he resumed, "You don't understand the Other Guy. And you don't understand me."

"I'm learning to understand both of you. The more you share of yourselves, the better I get to know you," Phil said. "One thing that's just starting to come clear for me is how much you've hurt _each other."_

Bruce snorted. "Nothing hurts the Other Guy. Nothing can. I know, I've tried."

Phil silently debated whether to file that under self-harm or what amounted to domestic abuse. _Both, I suppose,_ he decided grimly. _They share a body and a past, some but not all memories, one person become two and yet still bound within a single life_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Worry can develop into [anxiety disorders](http://www.goodtherapy.org/therapy-for-anxiety.html).  There are [ways to overcome it](http://www.westegg.com/unmaintained/carnegie/stop-worry.html).  Bruce has a lot of honest things to worry about, but he does so in an obsessive and destructive manner.
> 
> A kernel error is something that cannot be processed and therefore jams the system containing it; the jam is then called [kernel panic](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kernel_panic). Originally described in computers (i.e. "the Blue Screen of Death") it has [extended to people](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=kernel%20panic). This closely overlaps the fannish concept of [FEELS](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Feels), when the intensity and complexity of emotions becomes indescribable and overwhelming.
> 
> [Suppressing emotions](http://spldbch.blogspot.com/2012/09/suppressing-emotions.html) is one way to deal with inescapable torment, but in the long term it does [more harm than good](http://orcashealingarts.org/the-costs-of-suppression/). There are ways to [deal with bottled up emotions](http://shyannjagger.wordpress.com/2011/04/20/bottled-up-emotions-why-you-do-it-and-how-to-get-rid-of-them/).  Bruce has a bad habit of living in his head and fobbing off almost all his emotions on Hulk ... and then he _wonders_  why the Other Guy blows up.
> 
> [Empathy](http://eqi.org/empathy.htm) is the ability to understand and resonate with another's feelings. [Self-empathy](http://www.befriendingourselves.com/Self-empathy.html) means using the same skills internally. This includes [innate and learned aspects](http://sfhelp.org/relate/keys/empathy.htm), so a rough childhood can impair it. There are many reasons [why empathy fails](http://www.afterpsychotherapy.com/why-empathy-fails/). [Lack of empathy](http://www.innovateus.net/innopedia/what-does-lack-empathy-mean) causes serious [relationship problems](http://www.buzzle.com/articles/lack-of-empathy-in-relationships.html). Fortunately there are [ways to develop empathy](http://writeontheknows.wordpress.com/2010/08/22/7-ways-to-develop-empathy-and-gain-insight/).  
> [](http://www.drtesta.com/book_excerpt.htm)  
>  Bullying and [domestic violence](https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/usermanuals/domesticviolence/domesticviolencec.cfm) both correlate with a lack of empathy. They are dysfunctional relationships. People who experience them tend to replicate them -- but may identify either with the abuser or the victim. (In a feat of epic emotional contortionism, Bruce-and-Hulk manage both.)  
> [](http://nlp-mentor.com/satircategories/satir-categories-placater)  
> Placating, pleading, and begging are different names for a communication mode usually practiced by people who feel powerless.  
> [](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-harm)  
> Self-harm is a broad category of coping mechanism that involves varying amounts of deliberate injury, primarily physical but many of the same issues apply to internalized emotional abuse. It can be [complicated to understand](http://www.mind.org.uk/mental_health_a-z/8006_understanding_self-harm). [Stopping it](http://www.scar-tissue.net/stopping.html) requires [finding better solutions](http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/wiki/Self_harm_-_information_and_coping_mechanisms_\(Part_2\)) to the driving problems that inspire self-harm in the first place.


	7. People Hulk Trusts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil tries again to explain to Bruce that Hulk has feelings beyond anger. Bruce squirms a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the endnotes wouldn't fit, so I'm moving it here.
> 
> [Compassion](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compassion) is an awareness of suffering combined with a desire for it to stop.  People usually think about [showing compassion to others](http://www.cc-sd.edu/blog/10-ways-of-showing-compassion).  However, [self-compassion](http://www.wellbeingalignment.com/self-compassion.html) is just as important.  Compassion works best when [balanced for both](http://helenair.com/lifestyles/health-med-fit/offering-compassion-to-others-can-bring-peace-within/article_8f341578-9493-11df-9f0d-001cc4c03286.html).  [Tonglen](http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/tonglen1.php) is an exercise for compassion.

It worried Phil that Bruce, who showed so much compassion for everyone else, reserved none for himself and seemed to classify Hulk as unfeeling. Phil needed to address that immediately. _Of course, Hulk tends to gravitate toward anger. If the anger covers up the pain, Bruce simply might not realize it's under there. Get him to notice it, and his caring nature should respond. Bruce isn't cruel, just clueless,_ Phil thought. _Then again ... maybe Bruce_ has _noticed Hulk's suffering, but suppressed it because he couldn't_ do _anything about it_. Phil wasn't sure which possibility was worse. Either would cause a great deal of upset as Bruce's previous coping strategies broke down in response to Hulk's changing behavior.

"You may not have succeeded in injuring or killing Hulk, but you've definitely caused him a great deal of pain," Phil said aloud. "Let's set aside the emotional aspects for now and just consider the physical transformations. The more you fight him, the more it hurts both of you. I heard Black Widow's report about what happened on the Helicarrier. She said it looked like you were tearing each other apart, even though she tried to talk you down."

"Oh, we were," Bruce said. His mouth twisted. "She _reeked_ of fear, just made it that much worse."

"Control is very important to her; the sudden loss scared her," Phil said.

"Well, it's important to me too. You can see why," Bruce said, veering away from the topic of Hulk's feelings. He wrung his hands, left squeezing right, then right squeezing left. "That's exactly what I mean when I say it's not safe for anyone to get close to him. Least of all me, but I'm _stuck_ with him. Hulk smashes everything around him. He's made an utter wreck of my life."

Phil made a pointed survey of the room around them. Bruce's bedroom was decorated in tranquil shades of dusky blue and heather purple. Plush carpet and heavy drapes cushioned any sound. The walnut bedframe held a thick mattress of memory foam topped with a featherbed and jumbo pillows, all swathed in soft flannel sheets. A comforter of fuzzy velour spread over the rest. Tony had done a wonderful job of designing a peaceful refuge to soothe Bruce's jangled nerves. Bruce had accepted it, adding his own personal touches. A mandala hung on one wall, and a pair of Brazilian maracas rested on a shelf. The faint scent of incense hung in the air.

"I'm not seeing anything smashed around here," Phil said to Bruce.

"That's just because the Other Guy hasn't been up here. I passed out somewhere else, and then you brought me back home," Bruce said.

Phil stifled a sigh and explained further. "What I meant is that you _have_ people in your life who do things like that for you," Phil said. "We're people Hulk _trusts_ to take care of you after he shifts back inside and leaves you helpless on the ground. He waited for Tony to lay down blankets before transforming, so as not to drop you on the bare street. Hulk protects you in more ways than just appearing whenever you're in danger, Bruce, and I don't think you realize that. You _matter_ to him, and both of you matter to the rest of us."

Bruce hid his face in his hands. "I really wish you would stop saying things like that. It hurts to hear."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Anger](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anger) is a basic emotion with [physical and psychological effects](http://www.albertahealthservices.ca/2620.asp), which can have both healthy and unhealthy manifestations. There are many [myths about it](http://innerself.com/Behavior_Modification/process.htm). Ideally anger should be [expressed in constructive ways](http://www.angriesout.com/grown18.htm), but that's not always safe. In unsafe situations, [anger may be suppressed](http://intuitivecreativity.typepad.com/expressiveartinspirations/2011/08/anger-and-depression.html). Anger may also [hide fear or helplessness](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/200807/what-your-anger-may-be-hiding), [pain and loss](http://sexual-sanity.com/2011/05/anger-and-recovery/). It has [emotional payoffs](http://www.family-counseling-therapy.com/Angerpayoffs.html). [Rage is a darker form](http://www.iloveyouloveme.com/relationship_advice/anger_and_rage.htm) of anger that often indicates deep relationship problems. There are [meditations for releasing anger](http://life.gaiam.com/article/deepak-chopras-7-step-exercise-release-emotional-turbulence) and [safe ways to vent](http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/six-great-ways-to-vent-your-frustrations.html).
> 
> People often [suppress awareness of suffering](http://www.innerself.com/Behavior_Modification/sky_michael_02292.htm) in themselves or others if they cannot escape it. This [regulation of emotion](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Regulation_of_emotion) is a [defense mechanism](http://www.systemsthinker.com/interests/systemsthinking/humansystems/defensemechanisms.shtml) that allows them to survive stressful situations, such as [experiencing or witnessing abuse](http://orderofsaintpatrick.org/relations/defenses.htm). This [denial can desensitize people](http://www.buddhanet.net/4noble6.htm) to problems that need solving, which can [lead to repeating them](http://www.cirp.org/library/psych/vanderkolk/). Suppressing emotions [doesn't work well](http://bpd.about.com/od/livingwithbpd/a/suppress.htm) in the long term. There are exercises for [learning to feel](http://www.health-science-spirit.com/learntofeel.html), [releasing suppressed emotions](http://skillfulhabits.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/SampleReleasing-Suppressed-Emotions.pdf), and [expressing emotions in general](http://www.ehow.com/how_4425349_express-emotions.html).
> 
> Antivol tipped me to the idea of decompensation. Most broadly, it means the [functional deterioration](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Decompensation) of a previously working structure or system. In psychology, it can mean [deterioration of cognitive or emotional functionality](http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/decompensation) due to stress, or [losing the ability to maintain necessary defenses](http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/decompensating). Those are basically bad versions. But decompensation sometimes happens when changing circumstances cause old coping mechanisms to stop working, and that may make way for something healthier to emerge.
> 
> Creating a physical and emotional safe space is crucial for [relaxation](http://www.ehow.com/how_7206898_design-relaxation-room.html), [stress reduction](http://momitforward.com/reducing-stress-how-to-create-a-relaxation-space-in-your-home), and [healing](http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/how-to-create-safe-and-quiet-space-to-enhance-your-healing). Hypersensitive people may have [special needs](http://nymetroparents.com/article/How-To-Design-a-Calming-Room-for-Autistic-Kids). Consider [what helps people feel safe](http://www.bsc.coop/current-members/policies-resources/health-safety-2?id=128).
> 
> [Mandalas](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mandala) are mystical artworks used for contemplation and enlightenment. 
> 
> These are [Maracas Karaja](http://www.brazilartsandcrafts.com/indigenous-craft/47-maracas-karaja.html). They are used in various [spiritual or healing rituals](http://www.ehow.com/about_5093025_maracas.html).


	8. You Need to Hear It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil contrasts the differences between Bruce and Hulk. He also talks about why he chooses to work with them.

The more they talked, the more Phil realized another key difference between Hulk and Bruce. Hulk had a fine intrapersonal awareness, always alert to his own feelings and those that spilled over to him from Bruce. Hulk also seemed to have a higher interpersonal intelligence; as soon as he found people who were friendly instead of hostile, he started trying to reach out and attend the relationships between them.

On the other hand, Bruce really didn't have much skill in those areas. He had better verbal expression and a keen interest in conflict resolution, but that's where it stopped. He pushed away his own feelings, using Hulk as an emotional garbage can. Bruce fumbled through interactions even with people he liked. He could scarcely make sense of the relationship dynamics with someone else _explaining_ them for him. It would take more time, and more repetition, to make up for past lacks and bad experiences.

"I'm sorry that you find this distressing rather than reassuring, Bruce, but you _need_ to hear it. You can't make good decisions without good information," Phil said. He reached out to stroke Bruce's shoulder, feeling the quiver of tired muscles under his hand. This time Bruce didn't pull away.

"I don't know what you mean ..." Bruce said wearily.

"You and Hulk have friends in common that neither of you have driven away, because all of us have quirks of our own that _both of you_ accommodate in return," Phil said. "We want to see you make peace with each other. We'll help as much as we can. That's what makes a healthy team work, Bruce -- or a family, for that matter -- the readiness to compensate for each other's strengths and weaknesses." As impressive as Bruce-and-Hulk were now, Phil knew they would become even more formidable once they learned to work together.

"I'll grant you the rest of the Avengers are broken in one way or another, Phil, but _you're_ fine," Bruce said. "You don't need us to protect you or put up with you. You could work with anyone."

"And I choose to work with you," Phil said promptly. "Hulk has blocked people from shooting at me more than once, and he's not the only one who looks out for me. Bruce, don't overestimate me. How 'fine' was I the night you made me hot chocolate, tucked me into bed, and read me a bedtime story?"

"That's different," Bruce said. "You spent a whole day thinking we were all dead!"

"Which completely shattered my composure, because I've lost people in the field under similar circumstances," Phil said. "Just because I'm functional doesn't mean I lack scars. Most of mine simply don't show on the outside." His chest twinged where Loki had stabbed the Life Model Decoy. Phil rubbed a hand over the spot that would have scarred if the weapon had struck his actual body, trying to soothe the faint burn and ache of it.

Bruce covered Phil's hand with his own, gentle fingers tracing the same path of invisible injury. "I guess we all have scars," Bruce admitted.

"You've got enough to beat some spies I know, and comparing scars is a popular game in that crowd," Phil said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Intrapersonal intelligence](http://psychology.about.com/od/educationalpsychology/ss/multiple-intell_8.htm) concerns an awareness of self. People with this kind of intelligence [understand their own feelings](http://surfaquarium.com/MI/profiles/intrapersonal.htm), motives, and morals. They [tend to be persistent](http://www.sgsd.k12.wi.us/homework/ferchc/Intrapersonal%20News.htm), learn from their mistakes, and prefer a few deep relationships to many shallow ones. There are plenty of options to [develop intrapersonal skills](http://www.inspiring-breakthrough.co.uk/learning-styles/intrapersonal-learning.htm).
> 
> [Interpersonal intelligence](http://psychology.about.com/od/educationalpsychology/ss/multiple-intell_7.htm) concerns group dynamics and relationships between different people. [Folks with this type of intellegence](http://surfaquarium.com/MI/profiles/interpersonal.htm) tend to be fluent at communication, friendship, and conflict resolution. There are [ways to practice interpersonal abilities](http://www.inspiring-breakthrough.co.uk/learning-styles/interpersonal-learning.htm).
> 
> An [emotional toilet](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=emotional%20toilet) or [emotional garbage can](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Emotional%20Trashcan) is someone that other people use for venting their problems or feelings. (Garbage can is the version I came up with on my own; I was surprised to stumble across it while researching something else.) This can be [a friend who listens](http://eightmortons.blogspot.com/2012/08/who-is-your-emotional-toilet.html) and helps to sort out or banish the negativity. It can also be someone who gets dumped on and can't or won't say no. There's a general human tendency to [stuff negative emotions like garbage in a can](http://mentalhealthforall.wordpress.com/2012/02/29/we-are-all-emotional-garbage-cans/), especially strong [in abuse survivors](http://www.boxbook.com/Writing_table/writings/empty.htm). It's important to [take out the emotional trash](http://www.garynullforum.com/GNthisArticle.php?article=371). Here's a meditation using [the garbage metaphor](http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art46973.asp).
> 
> Thanks to  Dreamwidth user Dreamwriteremmy for mentioning the "[Trashie](http://charactertherapist.blogspot.com/2010/10/technique-toolbox-trashie.html)" exercise for getting rid of negative emotions.


	9. A Changing Pattern

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce tells Phil about some of the scars he remembers getting. Phil makes another attempt to walk Bruce through the changes in Hulk's behavior. Stubborn Bruce is _stubborn_.

"Ah, that's nothing," Bruce said. "You don't work in a lab without picking up a few souvenirs." Clearly he took pride in his identity as a scientist; he pointed out some of the more notable examples across the backs of his hands. "Exploding beaker. Liquid oxygen. Bunsen burner. Hydrochloric acid."

"What about these?" Phil asked, feathering a touch along the straight scars on Bruce's palm, and the thicker pucker on his forearm.

Bruce shrugged. "I don't remember," he said. "I've got enough that I can spare a few from the detailed log. I just wish the Other Guy would quit making more scars on the inside of me and the outside of everyone else."

"He doesn't mean to, and he's growing much more careful these days," Phil said. "His combat efficiency was barely adequate in Harlem, better in the Chitauri battle, and quite good now."

"That doesn't erase all the damage he's done in the past," Bruce said. "You can't ask me to ignore that. _I won't."_

"No, it doesn't erase anything. However, it does demonstrate a changing pattern," Phil said. "I'm not asking you to forget about your previous experiences. They're not necessarily _wrong,_ just outdated. I'm asking you to observe new events with an open mind instead of viewing them through preset assumptions. In my observation, Hulk fights to protect you, himself, or other people. He doesn't fight for sport. He's not malicious."

"He _is_  malicious. He _hates_  me. He hates everything," Bruce said.

_This man is like a moray eel,_ Phil thought, half impressed and half exasperated. _Once he latches onto something, he just will not let go. He takes stubbornness to a whole new depth. Then again, I suppose that's kept him alive through things that would have killed a lesser man_. Denying Bruce's opinion wouldn't help. The situation called for a more tangential approach.

"I can see why you might think that based on earlier interactions," Phil said. "Consider the more recent ones, though." He tapped the Starkpad, which showed an image of Hulk getting his hair washed. "Remember, Hulk asked us to show you these pictures. He wished to share a pleasant experience with you, but was frustrated by his inability to convey the memories directly. So he turned to us for help. Does that seem like an act of hatred to you?" It was clearly an act of love, but Phil didn't think Bruce was anywhere near ready to hear _that_. Phil hoped that Hulk wouldn't be too distraught when he realized that the pictures had made Bruce more confused than happy.

"I don't know," Bruce said. He gave a pained chuckle. "I don't understand most of what the Other Guy does."

"I get that," Phil said. "You two seem to have a lot of trouble communicating."

"We don't _communicate,"_ Bruce said. "He's a monster. He's the boogeyman. He's the beast in the basement banging on the pipes. He can barely talk, and most of that's on the level of _Hulk smash_. That's all he cares about. It's all he _can_    care about."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Repressed memory](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Repressed_memory) comprises a [defense mechanism](http://psychology.about.com/od/theoriesofpersonality/ss/defensemech_4.htm) to protect the mind from traumatic experiences. It shows up particularly often in relation to [child abuse](http://mentalhealth.about.com/cs/abuse/a/reprmem104.htm). There are techniques for [recovering these hidden memories](http://www.religioustolerance.org/rmt_tec.htm#), which many people consider a necessary or at least helpful step in healing the damage.
> 
> Closely related to this is the issue of [dissociation due to multiple personalities](http://mentalhealth.about.com/cs/abuse/a/reprmem104.htm). Each personality may have some memories that nobody else can access; personalities may also share memories, deliberately or otherwise. In the case of traumatic memory, one personality may protect another by taking on the burden of those horrible recollections. Sometimes dissociated [memories may reappear as dreams](http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/dissociativeliving/2010/11/dissociative-memory-when-dreaming-is-remembering/).
> 
> [Combat efficiency](http://noirmercs.com/entry.php?49-What-is-Combat) is an expression of how much energy is directed at the enemy vs. other targets, and how effective one unit is at bringing down other units.  Ideally, you want to focus tightly on the enemy, exerting minimum effort for maximum return; and you want to keep [collateral damage](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collateral_damage) as low as possible.  Hulk starts out with very low efficiency, flailing almost at random.  Then he learns to focus on enemies, but still smashes a lot of random stuff.  Over time, he gets better at targeting and not hitting random things.  Hulk is never going to be a precision instrument like Hawkeye, but he's made a lot of progress -- and you can see a little of that even in the canon movies.
> 
> Analyzing patterns can get complicated, [especially over time](http://www.statsoft.com/textbook/time-series-analysis/).  Thought patterns get engrained but [they can be changed](http://socialanxietydisorder.about.com/od/selfhelpforsad/tp/8-Tips-To-Change-Negative-Thinking.htm). It is crucial to pay attention to changes, because continuing to behave based on previous data can generate seriously wrong results if the pattern has shifted away from its original configuration.


	10. Give Me a Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil coaxes Bruce to consider reaching out to Hulk.

"He does enjoy smashing," Phil said agreeably. "However, I think Hulk is starting to discover that he likes other things as well. If we can get him to explore that further, you may find it easier to get along with him. You do still _want_ that, right?"

"Yes," Bruce admitted, "but I rarely get what I want, so it doesn't matter."

"We'll work on that too," Phil said. Half the problem was getting Bruce to _accept_ anything once offered. He had so little experience with that, he scarcely knew how to respond. "If you can't trust Hulk yet, then trust _me_. It's my job to watch what happens with my team, keep people safe, and make sure everyone can do their job. You've seen what I can accomplish. Can you at least give me a chance with this?"

"... okay," Bruce said with a cautious nod. Phil heaved a sigh of relief.

"As for communication, well, it's true that Hulk doesn't express himself easily in words. Perhaps we can find some other mode that would work better for him," Phil said.

Bruce snorted. "What would you suggest? Fingerpainting? Smileys? Sign language?"

"We can experiment with different things," Phil said, silently making a note to look into all of those. He had a hypothesis that Hulk sometimes had a subconscious influence on what Bruce said, and vice versa. Given Hulk's limited use of language, some form of nonverbal communication might prove more effective. "We'll figure out a solution eventually."

"How you can be a spy and retain that much optimism is beyond me," Bruce said.

"I believe in heroes," Phil said with a fond smile. He patted Bruce's hand, but did not try to hold on. "Also, I'm a handler. That calls for a different skill set than other types of espionage. Among the more crucial skills is insight into people -- often talented but damaged ones -- to ascertain who might make a promising asset and how to bring out their best qualities."

"Sure," Bruce said, a little too lightly.

"I can tell you without betraying any confidences that Clint was very much a diamond in the rough when I acquired him," Phil said. "Furthermore, I believe that he used what he learned from me to spot Natasha and convince her to come in from the cold." Phil smiled. "I will admit that I did not expect any such ability from Tony, yet he predicted your return in the battle of New York. Perhaps his business background has given him an eye for personnel."

"I'm nothing to write home about," Bruce said. He looked away.

"That's only because so much about you is classified," Phil said. It always hurt to hear how readily Bruce dismissed his own worth, despite all his accomplishments. The man had little better opinion of himself than of the Hulk. "Those of us who know the real you have a much higher opinion."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Acceptance](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acceptance) is a challenge for Bruce in various contexts.  In particular, he doesn't like himself or Hulk, and he has a hard time believing that he deserves anything that people might offer to him.  There are [tips for acceptance](http://tinybuddha.com/blog/the-power-of-acceptance-stop-resisting-and-find-the-lesson/).
> 
> [Nonverbal communication](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonverbal_communication) or [paralanguage](http://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonverbal_communication) spans all the things people convey without words. This includes [creative arts, signs, and symbols](http://examples.yourdictionary.com/examples-of-non-verbal-communication.html). Another major component is [facial expression](http://face-and-emotion.com/dataface/expression/expression.jsp); certain [basic emotions](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotion#Basic_Emotions) are almost universally recognizable from expressions even across cultures. These modes of communication can express things difficult or impossible to put into words.
> 
> [Fingerpainting](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fingerpaint) is a type of nonverbal expression that children often learn. Such simple art can make use of [color and shape symbolism](http://www.klinkov.com/symbolism-in-painting) to convey more than is illustrated directly. Fingerpainting appears in [art therapy](http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1939-0025.1946.tb05364.x/abstract), not just as a helpful exercise for the painter, but to give clues about what the person might be feeling or thinking about.
> 
> [Smileys](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emoticons) and other emoticons are abstract [symbols](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Symbol) that represent emotions. They developed to communicate facial expressions and other feeling-clues in an online environment where people can't see each other but can interact quickly enough to get into major fights and misunderstandings using written words. Notice that many of the smileys still look a lot like faces because the human brain is [wired to see faces](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pareidolia#Evolutionary_advantage).
> 
> [Sign language](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sign_language) spans a variety of gestural rather than vocal languages. There is a spectrum from [more concrete to more abstract](http://www.hyperboreans.com/heterodoxia/?p=129) communication. Vocal languages are almost entirely abstract, meaning the sound bears no resemblance to the concept, with rare exceptions in [onomatopoeia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Onomatopoeia). Sign languages tend to be more concrete, although they _can be_ highly abstract. It's just easier for signs to be concrete because of how the words are shaped with hands or other body parts to look like what they represent, rather than for sounds to be concrete. [Plains Indian Sign](http://www.inquiry.net/outdoor/native/sign/history.htm) is among the more concrete examples, probably because it was used for trade; the more concrete, the easier to understand even if you haven't been told the meaning. I once watched an expert in this language do a demonstration of that effect, and yes, everyone understood him quite easily. [Baby Sign Language](http://www.babysignlanguage.com/) capitalizes on similar concepts to teach basic communication before the mouth and brain are ready for spoken words.
> 
> "Come in from the cold" refers to a [spy returning from exile](http://public.oed.com/appeals/to-come-in-from-the-cold/), or more generally, to [someone joining a group](http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/come+in+from+the+cold) or gaining social acceptance.


	11. You Won't Listen to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agitated by Phil's support of Hulk, Bruce complains that nobody listens to him. Phil tries to introduce the idea of constructive disagreement.

"Yeah, right," Bruce said. "Such a high opinion, you'd rather side with _the Other Guy_ than with me." Bruce sounded oddly _threatened_ by the idea of anyone having positive interactions with the Hulk. He looked down at the picture of Tony drying Hulk's hair, smile brighter than the arc reactor glowing in his bare chest. "I thought Tony was my _friend_. I thought you all were, really, thought maybe it could be different this time. Shows what I know. You don't believe anything I tell you." He tossed the Starkpad onto the bed.

"What makes you say that?" Phil asked. The abrupt shift in Bruce's regard of the team alarmed him. This was not at all what Phil wanted him to gather from the discussion.

"Because you won't _listen_ to me when I try to warn you that the Other Guy is _dangerous!"_ Bruce wailed.

"I'm listening," Phil assured him. "You've told me about your fears, and I'm grateful that you trust me enough to do that. I can repeat them back to you, so you know I've heard them. It sounds like you've seen how Hulk has hurt people in the past, and you blame yourself for it. So you're worried that he might hurt us now. That's not a baseless concern. I'm not dismissing it out of hand."

"Then take some precautions! I _need_ for you to be safe. I need to know I'm not going to wake up and discover that someone's gotten hurt again because of me," Bruce said. He wrapped his arms around himself, squeezing his own elbows so hard that his knuckles went white. "Why won't you just _do this_ for me?"

"Because I don't think you're considering all the facts -- most importantly, that Hulk _hasn't_ hurt us, and that friendly interaction _improves_ everyone's safety," Phil said. He needed to emphasize that the team cared about _both_ Bruce and Hulk, however long that took to sink in. Phil stroked the backs of Bruce's hands, trying to get him to ease up on the tight grip so he wouldn't leave bruises.

"I don't see it," Bruce said. He loosened his fingers, though. His fingernails left red dents in his pale skin.

"Here, look again. Hulk is making a point of growing closer to people, even Natasha, and you _know_ how awful their relationship was at first," Phil said. He picked up the Starkpad and turned back to the image of Natka riding the rubber ducky. "Just because I don't agree with you on everything doesn't mean I'm refusing to listen, Bruce. Honest arguments are a natural and necessary part of healthy relationships. It's _okay_ for people to disagree."

"For a spy, you've lived an amazingly sheltered life," Bruce said softly.

"Bruce, I know you have a hard time processing disagreement. You're one of the most conflict-avoidant people I've ever met. I understand how important it is for you to stay calm," Phil said.

"I _have to be_ calm," Bruce said. He curled his hands a little, forefingers touching thumbs. "It's the only hope I have."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Jealousy](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jealousy) is a barrier to healthy relationship.  It helps to understand [how jealousy works](http://science.howstuffworks.com/life/inside-the-mind/emotions/jealousy.htm).  [Sibling rivalry](http://www.babycentre.co.uk/a553839/sibling-rivalry-why-it-happens-and-what-to-do-about-it) often emerges as a family grows.  For the first time, Bruce sees Hulk as directly competing with himself for love and friendship, and Bruce is _not_ responding well to this challenge.  Take steps to deal with [your jealous feelings](http://www.wikihow.com/Handle-Jealousy) and [reduce sibling jealousy](http://www.micheleborba.com/Pages/ArtBMI18.htm).
> 
> [Active listening](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Active_listening) is an approach to positive communication. Phil demonstrates one of its key techniques by paraphrasing some of what Bruce has said to him. This [aids comprehension](http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm) as well as agreement. Many factors [influence what people hear](http://www.studygs.net/listening.htm). There are [ways to improve listening skills](http://www.dumblittleman.com/2008/11/ten-ways-to-improve-your-listening.html).
> 
> Healthy disagreement is vital to a strong connection in [business](http://www.lovehr.ca/2013/03/healthy-disagreement/), [romance](http://www.besthealthmag.ca/embrace-life/relationships/how-to-have-a-healthy-fight), or [intimate friendship](http://friendship.about.com/od/Keeping-Friendships-Strong/tp/Signs-Of-Healthy-Friendships.htm). [Managing conflict](http://www.idiotsguides.com/static/quickguides/selfhelp/managing-conflicts-and-disagreements.html) is a necessary relationship skill. There are tips for [respectful disagreement](http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/problems/tips_disagree.html).
> 
> [ Conflict avoidance](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conflict_avoidance) happens when someone witholds disagreement to avoid arguments.  It is not the same as agreement, and [it causes problems](http://%20http://jupitercenter.com/confllict-part-2-the-problem-of-conflict-avoidance).  There are [ways to overcome it](http://suite101.com/article/overcoming-conflict-avoidance-a52146).  Check out [the deleted scene](http://%20http://video.disney.com/watch/bruce-banner-and-the-security-guard-deleted-scene-4c7cfef4551219316ce01d04) between Bruce and the security guard for some very astute thoughts about risk vs. benefit in conflict situations.
> 
> At the end of this episode, Bruce is using the [Gyan Mudra](http://www.spiritvoyage.com/blog/index.php/what-is-gyan-mudra/) as a calming influence.


	12. We See Things Differently

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil continues explaining to Bruce how disagreements are okay, and don't necessarily mean that people dislike each other.

"Just humor me here and think about life in the tower," Phil said. "You and Tony argue about science, but you don't start actual fights over it. Clint and Natasha squabble like siblings, and they're comfortable with that. Tony and Steve tease each other. Clint and Tony snark about things. You and Betty have had a few disputes too. _Everyone_ argues with me about mission-related things sometimes."

"So?" Bruce said.

"So, that's natural human interaction, Bruce," said Phil. "It doesn't mean we dislike each other. It doesn't mean we devalue each other's opinions. It just means we see things differently sometimes. That's okay. In fact, it's _valuable,_ because one person may spot a solution that nobody else does. These are skills you can work on developing, if you're not fully comfortable with them yet. Think of this stuff like peer review in a journal, if that helps."

"Maybe a little," Bruce said tentatively. Phil was glad to see him coming toward a more positive direction.

"We're not perfect, nobody is, but we do our best," Phil said. "All I ask is that you listen to our perspectives the way we listen to yours ... and maybe give us credit for having a little more sense than, say, General Ross."

Bruce chuckled a bit at that. "All right, I'll try. That low bar is pretty much lying flat on the ground," he said.

"Yes, it is," Phil agreed. He didn't mention Bruce's father. _That_ bar was sunk in a pretty deep ditch. "So if you watch, you'll see us step over it routinely. We're a good team, Bruce. Try to have a little faith in that."

"I'm a scientist, Phil. Faith is off my charts," Bruce said. "Wandering around in uncharted territory is a good way to get hurt."

Phil recalled that Bruce favored the hard sciences -- biology, chemistry, astronomy -- and some theoretical physics. The soft sciences such as psychology and sociology proved more slippery for him. No wonder he found this so painful and confusing. Hulk wasn't readily quantified with physics and chemistry, and team bonding even less so.

"I know this hurts, Bruce, but I need you give it serious consideration and not just bury it again," Phil said. "You're part of the team." He tapped gently on Bruce's chest. "Two teams, actually, since you've got Hulk to deal with on the inside and the rest of the Avengers on the outside. That takes work. Healthy relationships don't just 'happen.' People have to build them and maintain them."

"Not really my area of expertise," Bruce said. He looked down at his hands, opening and closing them.

"I know," Phil said, "but not all problems come down to guns and gamma rays. Sometimes the messy personal stuff matters too."

Bruce didn't argue this time, just picked idly at the velour comforter. Phil was so strongly reminded of Hulk and the pothole that he had to hide a smile. "Whatever," Bruce said.

"I know that tone of voice," Phil said. "You're getting bored with all this talk about relationship dynamics. Do you feel well enough to get up and work?"

"Not really. I'm not as sore as usual, but this isn't a relaxing conversation, Phil. My head is all in a muddle. I don't think I could concentrate on anything," Bruce said.

"Shall I tell you a story?" Phil offered.

"I'm sure you have better things to do than sit with me," Bruce said. His hand stilled against the comforter. "You can leave me alone. I'll be fine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explore the [value of different perspectives](http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Value-of-Having-Different-Perspectives&id=5551924).
> 
> Compare and contrasts the [hard and soft sciences](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hard_and_soft_science).
> 
> [Healthy relationships](http://www.carolthecoach.com/articles/relationships/healthyrelations.htm) don't just happen. This applies both to [friendship](http://ezinearticles.com/?Healthy-Relationships-Dont-Just-Happen&id=7587590) and [romance](http://www.internet-of-the-mind.com/healthy_relationship.html). There are tips for [creating a good relationship](http://www.wikihow.com/Have-a-Healthy-Relationship) and [repairing a bad relationship](http://dating.about.com/od/gettingserious/a/badrelationship.htm).
> 
> Bruce tends to [devalue himself](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Idealization_and_devaluation), and therefore discourage others from spending time or resources on him.  Without an [accurate sense of self-value](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/200810/you-are-the-way-you-value-and-devalue), it can be hard to value others accurately.  Take steps to [cultivate self-value](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/201304/radical-self-value).


	13. Let Me See What I Can Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil finally coaxes Bruce into relaxing.

"Well, I disagree," Phil said. "I refuse to abandon you when you don't feel well. You know how Clint and Natasha say I fuss over them too. I take my responsibility for my assets very seriously."

"You _do_ fuss over Clint and Natasha. I'm amazed they let you live to tell the tale," Bruce said. Phil wasn't surprised by that comparison. Like Bruce, Clint and Natasha had mostly negative experiences with human contact. They associated being vulnerable with being hurt, not being taken care of, by the other people in their lives.

"As their handler, I'm entitled to take a few liberties they wouldn't ordinarily allow," Phil said. That had required a great deal of patience and coaxing before it got anywhere at all. They'd made considerable progress, though, and game night helped even more. Phil would get through to Bruce too. The scientist just needed someone to teach him how to be as gentle with himselves as with others.

"Lucky you," Bruce said. He rolled his head in slow motion, then his shoulders, attempting to stretch out a cramp somewhere. Bruce tried so desperately to do the right things, and that took a toll on him. Phil disliked seeing him in pain. Bruce could be so skittish, though. When offering comfort, it was best to ease into it, starting with light peripheral touches and then moving inward. Bruce had stopped trying brush Phil's fingers off his hands and arms, so he might be ready to accept further contact. Bruce shifted in bed, seeking a more comfortable position.

"You're more tense than you're letting on, aren't you," Phil murmured. Bruce was probably more tired, too; the miserable discussion had worn him out. He needed something sweeter to take his mind off it. Phil slipped a hand behind Bruce's neck. "Here, lie back, let me see what I can do."

Phil remembered what Betty had said previously about Bruce's tendency to store tension just above his shoulderblades. It correlated with resistance and with the weight of responsibility. Phil pressed thumb and fingers carefully against the taut muscles. Sure enough, Bruce melted into his touch with a soft whimper of relief. The skin hunger was almost as strong for Bruce as it was for Hulk and for Clint; he was just wary of contact and shy about pursuing his own needs. Once Bruce gave in, though, he tended to surrender himself to the experience. Phil settled him tenderly into the deep pile of feather pillows.

"S'nice," Bruce said, his voice blurring. "Better'n before ... oh, _there_ ..."

"That's good," Phil said. Under his hands the tension gradually uncoiled, muscles starting to relax. "You go right ahead and enjoy yourself." Every time Bruce gave in to the coaxing and let himself be coddled even a little bit, Phil tried to make it as pleasant as possible for him. It would take time to establish new, positive associations. The conditioning worked, though, and Phil would _make_ the time for it. Bruce deserved that consideration, even if he didn't believe it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Being vulnerable](http://www.psychalive.org/2012/02/on-being-vulnerable-part-i/) is a natural part of life and an [important aspect of intimacy](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/feeling-it/201209/vulnerability-the-secret-intimacy). Abuse complicates this by [associating vulnerability with abandonment and harm](http://www.amsosa.com/v.htm). It is [difficult to rebuild trust](http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/verbalabuseinrelationships/2012/04/trust-after-abusive-relationships/) after an abusive relationship. Survivors need to [work through their trust issues](http://www.life123.com/relationships/issues/signs-bad-relationship/working-through-your-trust-issues.shtml). Pay attention to the [scale of trust](http://wakingsleepingdogs.wordpress.com/tag/learning-to-trust-after-abuse/). There are tips for [learning to trust after abuse](http://www.ladiesofvictory.org/learning-to-trust-again-after-abuse.php) and tips on [strengthening trust](http://www.sweetmedia.us/2012/04/how-to-trust-taking-steps-to-freedom/).
> 
> It's important to [be gentle with yourself](http://www.essential-practices.com/gentle.html). Some people are [far more compassionate toward others](http://www.katedaiglecounseling.com/2011/03/02/projecting-care-inward-why-are-we-often-more-compassionate-with-others-than-ourselves/) than toward themselves. Fortunately there are [ways to be gentle with yourself](http://www.mettadrum.com/2012/03/9-ways-to-be-gentle-with-yourself.html). This is especially vital in [dealing with your own pain](http://www.pandys.org/articles/gentlewithpain.html) or [other setbacks](http://www.pandys.org/articles/gentlewithpain.html).
> 
> Emotional stress can [cause physical problems](http://www.meltmethod.com/blogs/9/can-emotional-stress-caus). People tend to [store emotions in particular places](http://www.care2.com/greenliving/the-emotions-behind-specific-body-aches.html). Consider [where tension collects](http://www.agis.com/Document/4558/where-do-you-hold-your-tension.aspx) in the body. Seek [ways to release](http://www.ashtangayogi.com/HTML/chemistryofyoga.pdf) the stored tension.
> 
> [Skin hunger](http://everything2.com/user/arianne/writeups/Skin+hunger) is a need for positive touch. Some people feel it more strongly than others. Some are more comfortable asking for the skin contact they need. Pay attention to what people need, not just what they say.
> 
> Notice that Phil uses [positive reinforcement](http://psychology.about.com/od/operantconditioning/f/positive-reinforcement.htm) almost exclusively: a subtle pattern of following desired behavior with something pleasant. This works well [with children](http://www.positivereinforcementforkids.com/). It also works for [abused pets](http://www.dailypuppy.com/articles/how-to-train-an-abused-dog_1380.html), or any other creature for whom harsh punishment has created many negative associations.
> 
> Antivol recommends the article "[What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage](http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/25/fashion/25love.html?_r=0)."  It's an excellent example of conditioning as an animal training technique applied to human relationships.


	14. Just Be Patient

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce finally accepts a little loving care from Phil, who stays and tells him a story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here ends "Coming Around." If you've been reading this story, it's helpful to leave a comment on the last episode so I have an idea how many readers it has attracted. I'm also interested in feedback on the tone and place of this story within the larger series, as it's darker and more psychological than the mostly-fluffy stuff I've written earlier. I know some folks are liking the fluff while others are hoping for more plot, so I'm trying to keep a balance. Thank you all for reading, and especially for the feedback you've given on earlier episodes.
> 
> The next story in this series is "[Birthday Girl](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9247938.html)."

"Hard to stay awake," Bruce said. He blinked, slow and lazy. His eyes took a little longer to reopen each time.

"If you're tired, you can go back to sleep," Phil said. "I'll stay and keep watch to make sure that nothing bad happens. You know you're safe here with me." Hopefully some of that reassurance would seep through to Hulk, letting him know that Phil would take care of both of them.

"Stay," Bruce said. He nodded heavily against the pillows.

Phil took that as an encouraging sign. It was much better than Bruce's usual _I don't want to be a bother_. Phil kneaded the back of Bruce's neck and was rewarded with a drowsy, wordless murmur. "Now, how about that story?" Phil said.

"Mmmkay," Bruce said. Sometimes, when he was sluggish like this after a transformation, he would let people take care of him without fighting it. The exhaustion left him vulnerable in a way that little else did; he lacked the energy to hold up the barriers that he usually used to keep everyone at bay. It gave Phil a narrow window of opportunity that he would use to best advantage. In time, perhaps Bruce would come to enjoy the care enough to seek it out instead of just tolerating it when someone else offered it to him.

Phil began the story, "Once there lived an old woman with her simple son. He never seemed to do anything right, and so everyone in the village called him Foolish Jack. One time, Foolish Jack worked for a farmer who gave him a coin at the end of the day. Being a very simple fellow, he had no idea what to do with it, and lost it while crossing a bridge. 'Silly boy!' cried his mother. 'You should have put it in your pocket!' "

"The next day, Foolish Jack did chores in a dairy," Phil continued. "He earned a share of the milk, which he put in his pocket just as his mother had instructed. Of course the milk spilled, leaving him with nothing once again. 'Silly boy!' cried his mother. 'You should have carried it in a pail on your head!' "

Bruce fell asleep before Phil got to the part about Foolish Jack trying to carry a donkey home on his shoulders. Phil tucked the comforter carefully around the slumbering man. Then Phil finished the story anyway, so the forlorn princess got to laugh and Foolish Jack got to marry someone with a bit of common sense.

There was something sweet and soft about the way Bruce slept. He relaxed, the way he rarely did while awake, worry-lines smoothing away. His eyelashes made dark crescents against his cheeks. Bruce clutched the pillow with one hand, his feet wound tightly into the blankets. Phil reached out to him again, cupping the side of his face gently, always gently. Bruce curled into Phil's touch without even realizing how much faith and affection it revealed.

It reminded Phil poignantly of bathtime, how Hulk had trusted Phil to wash his hair without getting soap in his eyes. For all Bruce's protestations, _something_ was getting through to Hulk. That gave Phil hope that something could get through to Bruce too. It would be all right, sooner or later. Phil would make sure of that. He cared deeply about both of them. He would do whatever he could to help them find a better balance within their shared life.

"I know Bruce can be a handful, big guy, but he's worth it," Phil said, stroking his fingers through the rumple of dark curls. He didn't know if Hulk could hear him, but he had to try. "Just be patient with him. He'll come around."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bruce is still struggling with [acceptance](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acceptance).  Lack of acceptance [creates conflict](http://www.buddhist-quotes.com/buddhist-quotes/acceptance-and-love.html).  Curiosity, openness, acceptance, and love are fundamental aspects of [family bonding](http://rightmindprograms.wordpress.com/2010/02/15/curiosity-openness-acceptance-and-love/).  There are ways to [practice acceptance](http://www.chopra.com/files/newsletter/Feb11/Newsletter-Feb11-david.html).
> 
> "[Simple Jack](http://www.hindu.com/yw/2006/11/10/stories/2006111000080800.htm)" is a traditional fairytale about doing the right thing one step too late. It exists in many versions.
> 
> [Body language in sleep reveals things](http://health.yahoo.net/experts/dayinhealth/what-your-sleep-position-reveals-about-your-personality) that may not come clear during waking hours. People may tell lies with their bodies while awake, but not while asleep. The subconscious comes through more clearly during slumber.

**Author's Note:**

> [](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defense_wound)  
>  Defensive wounds most often appear on the hands or forearms, and indicate a victim resisting an attack.
> 
> Both Bruce and his mother were abused by [Brian Banner](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Banner), and that background plays into the formation of the [Hulk](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hulk_\(comics\)).  I customarily write Hulk as existing before the lab accident, which simply gave him a form of his own.
> 
> Even with limited evidence, Phil can extrapolate much of Bruce's dark past because Bruce displays many [symptoms of abuse survivors](http://www.ppfoundation.org/abuse_symptoms.aspx).  Read the list and see how much of that actually appears in canon.
> 
> Bruce's damage manifests primarily as [anxiety](http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/anxiety), especially after an incident.  There are ways to [reduce anxiety](http://www.stop-anxiety-panic-attack.com/blog/25-ways-to-relieve-anxiety).
> 
> [Mercaptans](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skunk#Anal_scent_glands) are odiferous chemicals such as those produced by skunks. [Scent and memory](http://psychology.about.com/od/memory/ss/ten-facts-about-memory_8.htm) are tightly linked.
> 
> Bruce-and-Hulk have serious problems sharing [memory](http://www.kinhost.org/wiki/Crisses/TimeAndPlausibleDeniability), hence the gaps.  Hulk is trying to fix that, and this is the first significant result of that effort.  They also have problems [switching](http://www.kinhost.org/wiki/Main/Switching).  They're both working on that, but not in concert, so progress is erratic.


End file.
